The Few do not speak for the Whole
I was inspired to write this because I believe Black Love does and can exist. It may not be perfect, should not look like what everyone else has, but it's there. Some of us don't even give it a chance after heartbreak. There's walls put up that are so resistant to penetration, but who is that benefiting? This post is inspired by the large amount of social media posts I read that fall within the following verbiage:
"All men (women) are no good"
"All men want to do is lay up, make you have babies...."
"These men ain't shit...."
"I'm done with black women (men)"
Oh, there's more, but I figure you get where I am going with this. Generalizations are never okay....they really aren't. I'm going to speak blatantly from a women's view what I feel to be wrong when we put things like this out in the universe....when we make such statements.
Usually, these types of statements are made in a response to a hurt that has not been healed. When I say healed, I mean healed internally by the person making the statements. A person who makes a general statement of negativity against a group, based off of their bad experiences with a few, usually needs to step back and figure out what role they played in the situation. Yes! Yes! I did say it. The role could have been as simple as choosing someone that wasn't best suited for you in the beginning, but you were filled with hope and expectations that you applied to them. You hoped they would become what you wanted them to. Guess what? People typically are who they are for the most part. Yeah, they can grow, but they have to want to do it themselves. So, again, step back and figure out why are you so angry at all black men? Why have you put all black women in the same box? Is there something internally that you need to improve or grow so that you may receive love? I feel some kind of way when I see black women doing a public service announcement of anger and hate against all black men. Black men have so much trying to tear them down, the last thing they need is the black woman to do the same. I mean, let's do the math. There are approximately 21.5 Million black men in America and you're going to disregard them all based on you experience with less than maybe 10? (ok, I don't know if that is a high number I just threw one out there. Point is, there are a lot of black men).
What is interesting is that people will easily feed the negativity. Sometimes, I browse the comments....rarely do you see a positive one. Like, negative cheerleaders feeding the flame. There are good men out there, just like there are those that are not good. How would you feel if a generalization was used against you? I mean, you may feel like you are the best person in the world, goodhearted, can cook and clean, educated, has goals, etc. What if, despite all of your good, someone remembered the bad from somewhere else, applied it to you, then said you were not qualified? It is a different way to view things. We shouldn't let the few speak for the whole.
I agree that some people have not learned how to give nor receive love. Some people do not value what you may believe to be an asset within yourself. That is their loss. God does not place someone in your life that was not supposed to be there. No matter how much they hurt you, how much you were disappointed in them, there was a lesson to learn. Now, if you keep attracting the same type of person into your life, keep getting the same unwanted response, it's time to really look in the mirror. We have to stop bashing one another. It is okay to be frustrated, angry, disappointed. Do not write a whole group off. Elevate yourself, learn about yourself, change your surroundings, change what you respond to in regards the men.
Oh, what qualifies me to write this? I have a PhD in it....no, I'm kidding. I'm a human, I'm a black woman. I've been hurt, I've likely hurt someone, I've even at one point tried categorizing all black men as the same. I had to grow up though. Evaluate myself, learn about myself, give chances to those putting in effort versus me trying to make someone into what I wanted them to be for me. So, while the path of love is not a smooth sailing one, we have to remember to look in the mirror first, fix that. Wait for God, the Universe, or whatever you want to believe, to send you who is for you for the time in your life you need them. If it does not work out, it was not supposed to work out for whatever reason. Negativity attracts the same. Being positive and open creates different opportunity and experiences.
Just my thoughts
Brain Purging
"All men (women) are no good"
"All men want to do is lay up, make you have babies...."
"These men ain't shit...."
"I'm done with black women (men)"
Oh, there's more, but I figure you get where I am going with this. Generalizations are never okay....they really aren't. I'm going to speak blatantly from a women's view what I feel to be wrong when we put things like this out in the universe....when we make such statements.
Usually, these types of statements are made in a response to a hurt that has not been healed. When I say healed, I mean healed internally by the person making the statements. A person who makes a general statement of negativity against a group, based off of their bad experiences with a few, usually needs to step back and figure out what role they played in the situation. Yes! Yes! I did say it. The role could have been as simple as choosing someone that wasn't best suited for you in the beginning, but you were filled with hope and expectations that you applied to them. You hoped they would become what you wanted them to. Guess what? People typically are who they are for the most part. Yeah, they can grow, but they have to want to do it themselves. So, again, step back and figure out why are you so angry at all black men? Why have you put all black women in the same box? Is there something internally that you need to improve or grow so that you may receive love? I feel some kind of way when I see black women doing a public service announcement of anger and hate against all black men. Black men have so much trying to tear them down, the last thing they need is the black woman to do the same. I mean, let's do the math. There are approximately 21.5 Million black men in America and you're going to disregard them all based on you experience with less than maybe 10? (ok, I don't know if that is a high number I just threw one out there. Point is, there are a lot of black men).
What is interesting is that people will easily feed the negativity. Sometimes, I browse the comments....rarely do you see a positive one. Like, negative cheerleaders feeding the flame. There are good men out there, just like there are those that are not good. How would you feel if a generalization was used against you? I mean, you may feel like you are the best person in the world, goodhearted, can cook and clean, educated, has goals, etc. What if, despite all of your good, someone remembered the bad from somewhere else, applied it to you, then said you were not qualified? It is a different way to view things. We shouldn't let the few speak for the whole.
I agree that some people have not learned how to give nor receive love. Some people do not value what you may believe to be an asset within yourself. That is their loss. God does not place someone in your life that was not supposed to be there. No matter how much they hurt you, how much you were disappointed in them, there was a lesson to learn. Now, if you keep attracting the same type of person into your life, keep getting the same unwanted response, it's time to really look in the mirror. We have to stop bashing one another. It is okay to be frustrated, angry, disappointed. Do not write a whole group off. Elevate yourself, learn about yourself, change your surroundings, change what you respond to in regards the men.
Oh, what qualifies me to write this? I have a PhD in it....no, I'm kidding. I'm a human, I'm a black woman. I've been hurt, I've likely hurt someone, I've even at one point tried categorizing all black men as the same. I had to grow up though. Evaluate myself, learn about myself, give chances to those putting in effort versus me trying to make someone into what I wanted them to be for me. So, while the path of love is not a smooth sailing one, we have to remember to look in the mirror first, fix that. Wait for God, the Universe, or whatever you want to believe, to send you who is for you for the time in your life you need them. If it does not work out, it was not supposed to work out for whatever reason. Negativity attracts the same. Being positive and open creates different opportunity and experiences.
Just my thoughts
Brain Purging
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