Love and compatibility

Every relationship does not last forever in its specific state. Friendships change. family members distance themselves. Marriages dissolve. This post was sparked by a meme one of my Facebook friend's posted and asked for thoughts. It was worded as such:

"But you loved her?
Yes.
And she loved you?
Yes.
Then why did it end?
Because love and compatibility are not always the same thing." -(via blossomfully)

I began to think. I felt compelled to look up the definitions of both words, although I knew them to both be different and had my own opinion on the post. It's one thing to have a paraphrased definition or idea of the word and apply it to a thought versus a more refined definition. Ok, maybe not refined, but better worded nonetheless. 

• Love- (noun) 1. an intense feeling of deep affection. 2. A person or thing that one loves (verb) feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)
• Compatibility- (noun) a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict. A feeling of sympathy and friendship; like-mindedness. computing. 
• 

My thoughts on this meme allowed me to reflect on my past relationships. A dissolved marriage, a long-term relationship, and some short-term passerby's I guess could sum up the remainder. I find it funny how people look from the outside in and reflect the words of the above-mentioned meme. Man, if love were only enough. If love, alone, could be the fix for relationships, maybe a lot of them wouldn't end. You could love someone and not be compatible. Possibly, two people could exist in a high or continual conflicting environment. In that environment, you'd be killing the affection, therefore killing the love. There's love that exists in different forms. If you are going to be in a romantic relationship with someone, married to them, you need love and compatibility. You have to be able to coexist. There may be some conflict, but not constant. There is more compromise than conflict. That goes for internal conflict as well. There should be peace in all aspects when choosing to exist with someone. Not saying it will all be smooth sailing, easygoing, but it should not be a chore. 

Well, why does it end? For many reasons. I'm not talking about the blatant ones. People like to know why does what appears good to others end. There's love dammit! Everyone saw the love. We all have preconceived notions, our own definitions, our own interpretations of love. I do not feel loved the same as the woman down the street. What factors contribute to that deep affection that defines love? 
Well, mind-reading does not. Say that shit. We need to communicate what is love to US. Pretty much, that needs to happen up front. Like, look here...love to me is this. It seems like it is not that simple, but it is. Does love change? Or, does that person change? Clearly, something changes. Tolerance of what is acceptable is maybe what changed. Who knows. 


There is clearly no "good" answer as to why what looks good ends. I believe you can love someone and not be in love with them. There are levels to love. All people want a love that is real, that they can believe in. No one want to fall in love with an idea or fantasy, but a genuine, sincere, Mary J real love. Actually, it's part of Maslow's hierarchy of needs...love. You can't reach self-actualization without it. Now, for it to be ideal, love and compatibility go together. You need to be in sync. Character, core values, interests to some degree need to be aligned somehow. Idealism, goals, chemistry. 

Love and compatibility go hand in hand. No matter the depth of the relationship. In order for love to flourish, the two must be able to exist with a low level of conflict that can be managed with compromise. The love must be great, not blind. Enhancing, supportive, energizing....even in the dull moments. Yeah....it exists. Takes practice maybe. 

Brain purging